Saturday, May 19, 2012

Conflicted...but keeping my promise.

I'm conflicted...again...about this blog. What to do? I'm not sure who is still reading, I'm not sure if the story has come to its natural end (and..............scene.) I mean, I know that the story continues but really? Maybe I am done sharing. I know we are in the midst of some complicated stuff though.

But I like to keep my promises and at the end of my last angst ridden post I did say the next blog post would be full of pictures and so without further ramblings...I give you the past few weeks in photos, with little captions, too, because I can't really ever just shut.up.
Cupcake bites...
My little piece of heaven-turnaround point on a long trail run (I'm uber sweaty!)
Second piece of heaven...lounging by the river at a friend's river house. Ahhhhhh.....
A trip back in time...recently acquired pic of the night at the airport...after twenty-four hours of travel and very little sleep....
Those same little babies (much bigger!) goofing off in their cribs.

At the pool--I made them wear ridiculously bulky swimsuits with flotation devices sewn in....
Lounging by the pool sans bulky swimsuits....!

At the park in the fun!
Coloring with Dad in the playroom!
Dogpiling Dad on the floor--a common activity around here :)

And finally....what powers me along (I know it's a weird pic and it looks like I'm more into the goldfish but I promise you, I am not).

Do you see the giant Diet Coke? I am willing it into my mouth...and if anyone knows how to get this display from Target I want it.

And on that note, peeps, I am out.


  1. I am still reading!! And would miss you terribly if you signed off...but of course, you shouldn't just blog because *I* love reading updates on the twins...i guess... I say, post when you are moved to...don't feel any guilt about this space.....however often feels right, please know that there we readers are out here, interested in your life, and so so happy to see you ut the other side with your family : )


  2. I'm still here reading - and looking forward to your posts. I know I've said it to you before, but I think you are a great writer, and I look forward to reading what you write. It always makes me think (ok, sometimes I just think about those amazing looking baked creations you make, but still). I also love to see and hear about how your babies (toddlers, yikes!) are doing. They are a few months ahead of my girl, so it is fun to see and hear what's next, ya know?

    And honestly, you have been part of my journey, and I feel like we have that connection (sure, via the anonymous internet, but a connection nonetheless) and I'd be sad not to hear from you anymore.

    So after all that selfish me-stuff, I will also totally understand if you say goodbye to this space. Just make sure you do say goodbye, don't just fade. Promise? :)

  3. I'm still reading! I'd miss you if you stopped posting. I do kind of understand where you are coming from though. I sort of let my blog go, but have decided to kick it back up. I hope things settle down for you soon.

  4. I'm still reading, too! I love reading about your kids and your life and the fun stuff and the not-fun stuff. And the pictures! The pictures always bring a smile to my face!!

    Maybe what you need is a new blog start though...I remember you shut down your previous blog because it was no longer relevant to the journey you were on; you started this one because you were on a new, different path. The final, planned destination for both blogs was achieving parenthood which you have done and that's likely why you feel the story may be at it's "natural end"...If you decide you do still want to share perhaps a place that feels like it has no set ending may be better.

    But you do have to do what's right for you though, so if you decide to close this space down I wish you and your family well. :)

  5. i hope you continue to update.

    it is OK that the content changes. i'm happy to know that you are done with one part of your life (for the most part) and busily ensconsed in a new one- just because you are a parent now does not mean that you have to shut up and not share anything ;)

    but maybe you do feel like just being a normal ole' parent, no blogigin, no pictures... just livin'. that is fine too...

    i think if you do keep blogging here, it would serve as an absolute inspiration to others who find themselves on "alternate" paths to parenthood. your children are absolutely beautiful, and your story continues to be a point of light for many women.

    i agree with pie- if you do decide to stop, please make a statement and don't just disappear into the ether(net).

  6. I agree with everything the others above have said. You're a great writer and an inspiration, and I would miss you terribly if you stopped blogging.

  7. Still reading...been following you since your CCRM days on the other two blogs. Don't keep blogging just for us, but if you want to write we're still here. My little one is a little younger than your two so i love to read updates about them ( and everything else too). Love the dogpiling pic.

  8. Reading and drawing inspiration with every post! My husband and I are quickly approaching the crossroads or fertility treatments and adoption. On those days when i worry that despite it all, we will come up empty handed, I read your posts and find strength to go on. So please, keep posting!

    And they are growing so fast!!! Wow!!

  9. Lovely photos. And always delighted to see a post from you.

  10. I am always happy to see your posts pop up in my reader! I love seeing how happy you are, it was a long time coming. Of course I want you to keep writing, just because it's so wonderful to see the happily ever after playing out.

    That said, I have had a really hard time going back to blogging. I just can't do it yet. For me it's mostly because it reminds me of a time in my life that I need to get past. I honestly could not have coped without the support and understanding of my blog girls, but even the thought of posting sends me right back to that time and it's just too hard.

    I have promised myself that I will start another blog, I am sure that is the thing to do. A fresh start, a new space and a different set of topics.

    On top of all of that, I swear the next time I come to Austin that I will add some extra time in and see if we can actually get together. Toddlers playing together, and teenage daughter to watch them while we chat!

  11. Ditto the other comments, I love reading your updates and following your family but you have to do what feels best for you. Love all do the pics! You look so happy in the airport one, wonder what put that smile there.... :)

  12. I too love your updates. I would be so sad to not read your posts anymore. Please tell us if you are leaving for good. Although the internet will be a sad place without you. You do have a way with words...

  13. I'm always really happy when I see a new update from you- I hope you don't disappear entirely!
    Amy x

  14. I love your updates--they give me hope! And, I totally support it if this is the end of the road as well. Your children get more and more gorgeous every time you post. :-)
    Love the last picture of you and the Diet Coke.

  15. I just found your blog and enjoy reading about your beautiful family!

  16. Same here - I love reading your posts, and seeing the pictures too. I think you have such a cool life and it is fun to see what you are up to. Plus you do write beautifully. But as others have said above, don't do it just for us, if you don't want to do it anymore. It should not add to any stress in your life. I say, pop in and give updates when you feel like it.

  17. I've been following you for quite a long time, and it's great to read about your experiences "on the other side." Your posts are very interesting, and I hope you decide to keep blogging. The pictures are great.

  18. I want you to keep blogging too! I haven't been a good commenter... :( sorry! I love seeing pics and reading too....

  19. I love reading for family updates!

  20. I would miss hearing from you! Your journey has opened my mind and my heart to possibilities :) Plus, your babies are so cute, it's fun to see how they are growing!

  21. I still read. What I'm going to comment on below is in reference to many many posts I didn't comment on.

    I'm addicted to your beautiful family and how perfect you all are together. It's as it should be and, yes, I do believe they're lucky - and that you're both lucky, equally so.

    No, this is not what you'd originally intended or what their birth parents originally intended. In a perfect world, no child would need adoption and no human would have trouble bearing a genetic child. So much of life isn't how we originally intended - and I have to wonder how "perfect" that world would be anyway. The most beautiful things happen when we don't follow the path. Ever get lost on your way somewhere you've been before? Sometimes you see the most beautiful neighborhood, gardens, a waterfall.

    I didn't intend on birthing a child that's not genetically related to me - but here she is. I know I wouldn't trade her for one with my DNA even if you tossed in a billion dollars AND Brad Pitt. I'm so very thankful my eggs were shitty and too few. THANK YOU UNIVERSE for knowing better than me!

    So much in life follows a path we didn't intend and yet it's beautiful, often more so. Your babies still have genetic relatives in Ethiopia and their parents who tuck them in every night.

    About your sweet dad...I still remember when he had the stroke years back - your excitement that he was defying doctors predictions that he would pass. My mother's death (5 years ago) was so fresh (still is) and though I could relate to your enthusiasm, I silently feared that defying predictions wouldn't be necessarily a good thing unless he could return to a life he could enjoy again, even if diminished somewhat. The doctor's predictions were so grave, I truly wondered how difficult it would be to defy them to a degree that made them worth having defied. I lived that with my mother. There came a point that I learned an agony far greater than losing her. I would give a lot to have her back - but not with the life she had upon leaving. If that's the only choice, leave her to rest and let me miss her.

    I'm atheist but I prayed for you recently (whatever that means - I wished hard for something and sent that into the universe); that you would find peace when your dad leaves. You've been such a loving daughter and had an amazing, wonderful father. No amount of time together will ever be enough but maybe someday you'll find nuggets in the memories that will still feel really comforting.

    I hope you still write but with twins, I know it's hard. Maybe give yourself a break. A monthly post. :)

  22. I don't comment often but I read all the time! I love seeing your beautiful children grow up. Your story gives so many people hope. Xoxo

  23. and didja ever get the diet coke T shirt in the mail? The lotto tickets never panned out but I hope the shirt powers you

  24. I just wanted to say that I'm still here reading along...I don't comment as much as I should, but I love keeping up with you guys! I miss writing and I miss my little corner of the internet...too many people knew about my blog and it started getting uncomfortable for me...I consider starting another "secret" blog....ANYWAY, I hope you stay, but understand if you go...maybe you can get the dreaded facebook if you leave us here...Tracy

  25. I am still here checking in on the MTL family. I think you should continue if it helps you or if you enjoy it. I think your blog provides a source of comfort, strength, and inspiration for women who are contemplating adoption to build their families. You have already helped people more than you know. Also, your writing is so real; it's easy to tell you are a down-to-earth, warm, caring person. But, you should only continue if you feel good about it.

    Love the pics - that looks like an amazing playroom. I think the diet coke thing would go great in there. I bet you could find one on Amaz.on. :)

    The babies are getting so big!!...and cuter by the day!

  26. I'm still hear and still reading... and am very interested in how life develops for you. Totally understand if life inhibits posts, but know you're thought of often...and we'd miss you if you were gone.

  27. I just saw your old blog and was redirected here - it was like a cliff hanger for me; what happened next?! I'm so happy that you have adopted two beautiful children!! I can only imagine how much love you have for them xxxx