Warning, the following is a little tongue-in-cheek, and I don't want to be flamed in comments, BUT this past week our normally 'easy' 9.5 month old daughter has 1) started crawling (yay!) 2) started completely refusing to be fed ANY baby food on the spoon (argh) 3) finally sprouted one lonely tooth and 4) decided that naps are for babies, and so is going to bed at night at the normal hour too, since you asked. Our son was teething and also had an ear infection. They also got their last set of 'catch up' vaccines plus a flu shot...
So it's been stressful. Tiring. Agonizing. See--there are books on raising twins, there are books on parenting internationally adopted infants, but there are not a lot of expert opinions about parenting internationally adopted psuedo-twins. One expert says let her cry it out on the naps, but what about her brother, sleeping ten feet away? On the feeding--just let her self feed whatever she wants, but do NOTHING to make mealtime stressful (international adoption book) but the pedi says "make sure she gets her several servings of fruits and vegetables per day." How? She won't feed herself fruits OR vegetables. But yet she went from the 50th percentile to the 90th percentile for weight...so clearly she's not starving....
Anyway. My head. It explodes with the what ifs. What if I'm doing it all wrong? I feel like I am, about 75% of the time. Why don't I have more patience? When will the sleep deprivation get better (ha!)...although we are getting better at nighttime, we still don't get through the night without being woken up twice...once for a full feeding and the other time because one of them starts to make noise and we have to wake up to determine if it's for real or not. And did I mention that on top of everything, I go back to work parttime in one week? And the nanny is wonderful--truly wonderful (experience with multiples twice, mature, hardworking, very loving) but I'm all at once jealous of her and looking forward with such glee and delight to our two full mock days this week, where I will be out of the house but not at work. I will get to have lunch with a friend, I will get my hair cut, I will do some shopping. I will feel guilty.
OK, so the blog title post.
On a particularly trying evening, the Mr. looked at me and said, "Was it too much fun we were having before they got here?"
I answered back, "No, I think it was too much free time we had."
"No, he said, too much going out to eat!"
"No, too much hanging out with friends!"
And back and forth it went.
Too much money.
Too much sleep--glorious sleep!
Too much running on trails.
Too much watching TV.
Too much eating food while it's still hot.
Too much reading for pleasure.
Too much staying up late because we knew we could sleep in.
Too much going anywhere at a moment's notice.
Too much vacations.
Too much, too much, too much.
We had too much of all of these things, and so we gave them all up.
Ha.
From the Mr.'s birthday.
Too much cuteness, indeed!
A great post!! My suggestion (from a non-mother for now!!) put the books down, go with your instinct...they are happy precious babies! Your doing great!!
ReplyDeleteYou have your hands full for sure, but I'm also betting you are doing an excellent job. Plus, they are babies and don't know if you are doing things properly, right?!
ReplyDeleteVery cute pic too :)
Don't be so hard on yourself, raising twins is a hard job and it doesn't help that you went from 0 to 100 overnight. It's a lot to figure out and every parent is going to make mistakes. Don't let the books stress you out either, every child is different, do whatever works for them and you. The sleep deprivation doesn't really go away for awhile, but you will adapt to it. So glad to hear you have a fabulous nanny! By looking at them (pretty darn cute by the way!), I'd say you are doing a fabulous job!!!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good fight! Now you will have too much fun with those precious kiddos!!! Oh, and when they go to college, you get it all back--except the money part. :)
ReplyDeleteParenting an adopted child, the one place in my life that I am pretty sure I am screwing up daily, make that over and over again daily. Nothing is clear or straightforward.
ReplyDeleteBefore parenting, I felt like I was reasonably accomplished, respected, and usually pretty good at things I put my mind to be good at. Honestly, my work lets me feel like I can still be good at something.
Your "too much of" list prior to parenthood gave me big laughs.
Sorry to hear you are getting lots of baby challenges all at once. Hang in there.
Totally. It is entirely overwhelming, I know. And, I will have 3 in diapers soon and deep down, I am scared to death. As is, we've given up on eating at places we really enjoy (local tapas and sushi) and it is only going to get worse. I think, though, give it time b/c soon, you will wonder how you filled up all that extra time before you had them. Though...it definitely changes a relationship, I know that for sure. We are stressed at just the idea of this many kids, lol. But, when those little arms go around your neck and you hear momma!!!!!! yelled while having your neck squeezed for dear life....all worth it:-)
ReplyDeleteOh man, I could have written this post! And I only have one! Someone asked me the other day if I could even remember my life before E. I gave the obligatory resounding NO, but inside I was screaming YES!
ReplyDeleteI do think chronic sleep deprivation makes things so much harder. You are doing a great job though. And of course giving up all those "too muches" is so worth it. I figure we are just on an 18 year too much hiatus. ;-)
I imagine you have your hands full, not to mention under such unique situations. Those babies are the cutest and look very healthy and happy- you guys must be doing something right.
ReplyDeleteDear, I have only one and I was nodding my head reading your post.
ReplyDeleteSleep regression came to stay with us when George was four months old. It never left. It broght its awful friend teething. They also let me know that their cousin, tantrum, is on its way. Still, you find a way to live with all this. Even sleep deprivation, and really, this is an official torture means, not just something parents chose to say to moan about having kids. :-)
I do remember how it was before having George. The free time, the get togethers with friends, the brunches the late walks, the tv watching marathons. But I also remember craving a baby, the longing, the envy seeing mothers holding babies. So, I try to remember this before starting to shake my fists when haivng to wake up after only one hour of sleep. I do nt succeed every time, but most of them.
Before the baby I used to watch almost all Tv series worth watching. Now, I don't even know what's on anymore. I miss some parts of my old life, but I know that it will be a long time before I have some of them back. And in the end, just like you, I am happy, because now, I have someone else to keep me occupied. Of course, I could also use a facial or a pedi, but I am still to find some beauty parlour with child care. :-)
Hang on, you are not alone. You are doing all this with two wonderful babies. It is not easy with one, not to mention two. You are right most of the times, ,which makes you a normal human being. Doubting yourself is also normal and a sign you are doing it alrght.
The days and nits are long, but the months and years are short. All these shall pass. And, as my mum says, small children, small problems, big children, bigger problems. :-)
Hugs and strength.
Tablets are the typos' friend. Word.
ReplyDeleteHaving been through the craziness of first time motherhood...of reading double-digit numbers of books on sleeping and eating and baby growing...of worrying that everything is being done incorrectly...of sleeplessness...I have to say that everything works out. You give your babies love, offer them some food, make sure their diaper rash doesn't get too horrible, and everything will be OK. Double the worry though, I can't imagine. I was crazy enough with one!
ReplyDeleteToo much sponteneity! (Can't seem to spell that, sorry). Too much autonomy! Too much relaxing!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it weird just how impossible it is to appreciate what it is that you have a glut of, at the time of the glut.
And how ENRAGED you would have been if someone else had told you that you had too much of those things :)
But what you have written is so true, so true!
Oh and ps: the books! I can't live without them, but they also suck.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, they are just so darn cute. Ugh, I want to eat them up!!
ReplyDeleteAs for the books, and I know this is not at all PC to say, but throw them out. For the most part, we have. I think they make me more crazy, second-guessing myself all the time. And feeling bad about something I'm doing/not doing/doing differently/didn't know about. So I put them down. And the kid is fine. And yours look happy and healthy and thriving, so clearly you are doing something right.
And there is no shame is celebrating having some "me" time. It allows you to charge your own batteries so you can be a better mom - see, lunch with a friend and a haircut is really for the babies anyway!
Too much cuteness indeed! That must make up for everything else. And definitely don't be too hard on yourself - you are doing a wonderful job. I wouldn't worry about your little girl's eating - she is going to get enough of what she needs and if some days she doesn't get all her fruits and veggies, so be it. I think letting her feed herself what she wants is a good idea. She'll get the hang of it, and so will you! You are a super-mama!
ReplyDeleteyes, go with your instinct, if you dont want her to cry it out, then dont.....you will figure it out in a way that works for you and then Y0U can write the book!!!
ReplyDeleteI was thinkin of you the other night when I was struggling to care for my ONE baby!
Too much cuteness indeed! You can't get enough of that.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for the rest, well...you'll figure it out- you will, I promise. You'll make plenty of mistakes. You'll want to cry. You'll lose your temper & run out of patience. And they'll keep doing this over and over...right when you had it all together, they'll change things up. It happens to everyone. Even the "experts" that write the books. The good thing is that while those memories don't fade completely, the good ones really outshine them!
B
Soo sooo cute! I hope the transition to work will go okay for you and the family. And awesome post by the way...I feel the same way about life before baby...but I took it for granted and when I do get to watch 20 minutes of uninterrupted tv I bask in it! But I know that you know both of us wouldn't trade "this" for the world. LisainSK
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't worry what the experts say- because they all say different things anyway. you are the expert of what your family needs - and the babies will help show you the way. i'm sure you are doing an amazing job- and it's okay to feel tired and even impatient sometimes. parenting is hard work too! the eating part too- as long as their gaining weight and are healthy- everything is good! there seem to be days where my kids don't eat much at all, and others where I can't get them to stop eating. but i know their bodies know best so i don't force either way too much. my little guys turned 3 and my baby girl turned 1 recently and everyday i am learning to be a better parent- and it's not because it is always easy (far from it!;) anyhow, wishing you well always and enjoy this time, when things are the toughest for us (all 3 get up at different, multiple times at night- and my husband and i both work full time so we feel tired too- but in a way you get used to it and it's nice to cuddle them at night- if you wish!)
ReplyDeletetake good care and thanks for the update, sofia from ds
Hey! Have been absent for eons but thought I would check you out and see how you are doing. Mom of twins here too - I think you're doing just fine. Even though your two were not born on the same day they are still two precious babies born really really close together so you will have many of the same challenges as a parent of multiples.
ReplyDeleteCrying - one of my girls is not just a crier, she is a screamer. Shrill, high pitched, loud, persistent, demanding...and her sister has learned to sleep through it 5 feet away. Truly. They do learn to sleep through the other one's crying but I find it hard to listen to also so I really empathize. If it's not one, it's the other and they will learn to adapt. If you think back to when whole families shared one room, people learn to ignore what else is going on around them - it's self preservation.
As for the eating, I know it's easier said than done, but if she's a healthy weight, she doesn't need to eat all the time. With my girls, sometimes it's feast or famine. They will eat everything in sight, ask for more and then the next week, they'll barely eat a few crackers and scream and cry if you try to get them to eat fruit (which they love). As long as your daughter is a good weight, try to take a deep breath and not stress about it.
The sleep deprivation gets better, it truly does. Slowly, over time, they will cry less at night, sleep better and then so will you. You'll be relieved to drop that last feed (which should be soon hopefully) and then they'll surprise you one day by sleeping longer and longer overnight and then one day, you'll be getting more solid chunks of sleep. Promise. It's not that far away when you think of how long you have wanted this...this is just a moment in time and it too shall pass so try to breathe deeply and just keep cool during the stressful times (like when they're sick).
Hugs to you - you're doing great Mom!
Kayjay from Foibles of a New Parent
Adorable picture!! I love the simple gesture of touch.
ReplyDeleteI think your reality is different that a lot of other parents out there. And that means a lot of the book and such are going to give so much different advice that isn't going to apply. You may have had "too much" before, but giving it up for a different kind of "too much" (your cup flowth over, is that the saying?) is a better place to be. You're doing great, I can imagine the pseudo-twin element adds a bit of a twist. You need to write a book on it instead! :)
A few things kept me sane in the first few year...
ReplyDelete1. You will screw up. Get used to it. You've never done this before. But neither have they. Learn together.
2. Mothers have raised babies without the use of parenting experts and books for thousands of years. Are they good resources? you bet! But don't let them make you feel guilt. Nobody knows your situation like you do. Gut instincts are typically RIGHT ON.
3. Diet coke. :) The only prescription is more diet coke.
4. You will both thoroughly enjoy the time spent away from them, but also hate the moment you leave and the long drive home. They'll be ok and you'll be better for it, too!!
I wasn't able to read all the previous comments so someone may have already recommended these... Our son (adopted from Korea) HATES veggies of any kind. He's been self feeding since 10 months too and just won't do veggies SO I trick him and give him these Happy Tots (from Happy Baby) veggie/fruit pouches. You can get them at Target. Through these pouches he gets spinach/mango/pear; sweet potato/carrot/apple; butternut squash/apple; and green beans/peas/pears. He LOVES them. At first I had to squirt them into his mouth but now he can do it himself (he's 2 and it's still the only veggies besides V8 Fusion juice he gets). If you try them, the kids like them better cold. Your kids are gorgeous!
ReplyDelete