Friday, July 22, 2011


"The cheapest place I have found to get wipes is Target," she says, giving me the 'new Mom' tip.

"Noted," I reply.

We are sitting at the kitchen table. We are hoping that certain sleeping people in the next rooms are really sleeping, soundly sleeping, no catnaps. We are both tired and we could both use a break. A good long nap would be nice--for everyone.

I tiptoe to the first bedroom door and peek in, holding my breath as if my babies can hear the rush of air into my lungs. I listen for the telltale deep breathing of sleep, I watch their chests rise and fall. Yes! They are asleep.

I tiptoe to the next bedroom door and peek in, still holding my breath.

Ahhh, again the sweet deep breathing of true sleep.

Naps, it seem, are going well.

The thing is, I am talking to my mother about wipes, the ones she uses for my father.
I am peeking in on my own babies but also my own father, who is 'down' for a nap.

It is surreal.
It is cruel.
The life cycle coming full circle, my father so much like a baby now.

I return to the table and tell my mother that yes, they are all sleeping. We can take a much needed rest.

I don't think she ever imagined she would be sharing shopping tips for things like wipes with her daughter. I know I never imagined it.

But it is what it is.

We took the babies home so that I could get my precious photo of them small, with my Dad.
He barely noticed them.
He certainly didn't want to have them lay next to him, he certainly didn't take note of their coos, of their tiny hands reaching for him.
He maintained his classic blank stare and then asked for an orange.

But I'm glad I took them home. I did it for me.

Life can be so strange, I often wonder what might be next.


  1. O.

    Your post made me cry. So poignant.

  2. I'm glad you got to take that photo. Even if the experience surrounding it isn't exactly what all of you would have wanted it to be, you'll still be glad you have it.

    And I hope you and your mom got to take a bit of a nap, too! :-)

    How is Mr. MTL feeling?

  3. This post is so touching but you will always have those pictures of your daddy with his grandbabies

    shel xx

  4. I am so very sorry to hear of your father's condition. I can't imagine...hugs. I am so happy your family now have two new babies to enjoy...goodness knows your family deserves it!

  5. Aw...what a tough moment that must have been for you. Thank you for sharing. So poignant.

  6. Wow. Yes, it seems those are the things you have to do for you, no matter how surreal or difficult. Wishing you strength during this time.

  7. Such a juxtaposition of life's event. The joy and the sadness. The end and the beginning. These are precious moments and memories.

  8. Your strength just continues to amaze me. I'm so sorry that you have to go through such a sad and difficult experience - you've already had your share of pain. Hopefully the joy of your babies will help you through.

  9. Those photos will be so important to your children someday, and the stories they have about their Grandpa are going to be happier ones. With time, it will all blend together to make those images truly cherished mementos.

    For you and for the kids I know you'll be so glad you went, and I hope that on some level he was able to understand that it's all about cherishing family and that he's still a part of that.

    Lots more good wishes to you all!

  10. I'm so sorry that things have to be the way they are. At least you will have some peace of mind knowing that they WERE next to him and hopefully you have been able to get some photos to show your children later.

  11. I am so sorry for this. You have spoken about your father before and it is always touching, but perhaps none more so then this post as you describe your desire for your father to know your babies. I am glad that you and your mother have each other. thinking of you both...

  12. Oh Mrs MTL, how strong you have had to be and how cruel life can be not to give your Dad the opportunity to know his grandchildren and for you and the rest fo your family to witness their joy. I am grateful that you will have the photographs which will mean so much to you and your family. I think of you all the time and your gorgeous, beautiful very trendily attired babies. They are simply adorable. I'm going to NY next week for a wedding so will relive the moment that you and Mr MTL got your two lines in your honour elliej xxx

  13. I am so sorry too. And happy you have your babies through this now.

  14. My father died right before we brought our daughter home from China. I'm so glad you got your picture.

  15. I'm sorry as well... Life hands us unfair circumstances sometimes, doesn't it? I know that after my mom's stroke, I really struggled with the battle between being thankful for what was "left" of her, versus feeling angry about what had been taken. It's tough. It's not life as you imagine it... It's not even remotely ideal.
    I'm glad you have the pictures. You know how much I love pictures!

  16. It is amazing what life brings, both good and bad...all mashed together or sometimes in waves. I often think like that, too....what's around the corner. All we can bank on is that it will have good and bad.

    Although it's bittersweet, I'm glad for you and the babies that they can have some time with Grandpa.

    BTW, loved the way you described the sleeping breathing. Sounds so peaceful. Happy to hear the babies are sleeping well! Hope the hubs is feeling better!

  17. So poignant. I am glad you did it for you and your dad, even if he isn't congizant of the reason why.

  18. It must feel surreal (a feeling I have had lately). Yet, you hope somewhere in the shell that's left of your dad, he was elated to see his grandbabies. That he wondered at their perfect littleness, took note of the coos and sighs and smells, and marveled that they have unlimited potential. At least that's how I like to see it. It's how it should have been... I am glad you took them to meet him- for them and for you and for him.

  19. I can't imagine how bitter sweet this must be for you. Your strength and grace amazes me. Love to you.

  20. I'm so sorry that your Dad wasn't able to enjoy the babies - but I bet your Mom was. It must have been wonderful for her to spend time with these two new little lives. Sucky contrast for you, but (hopefully) a good one for her.

    Life never gets easy, does it? It just gets different.

  21. What a beautiful, and heartbreaking post. Thanks for sharing.

  22. I'm so sorry--this must be so, so tough. Thinking of you.

  23. Ohh how heartbreaking it must be for you. I love my parents like anything and it breaks my heart to see them getting older every time I see them and I can't image going thru something like this. I wish you strength and peace. Know that your dad is feeling the love even though he may not express it.

  24. Thank you so much for all of your encouragement and support. You're amazing! With all you have going on right now, I know you don't have a ton of free time. (Understatement of the year, I'm sure!)

  25. Wow. It is almost too much to bear. Our prayers, as always, are with you.

    Love, Kay

  26. This makes me sad, and realize what the phrase "bittersweet" is really meant for. So much to hold on to, so much to bear. I'm happy you got the photo, it will mean so much in the years to come.

    I hope you are taking good care of yourself, and your mom as you are able. It's tough to be on the other side of the "parent/child" spectrum. Many hugs.

    P.S...Rambler commenting here, Google won't let me sign in!!

  27. I just read through part of your blog and it brought many tears to my eyes. I'm just starting my infertility journey and not even thinking about adoption...but I'm adopted. I was when I was 6 months old. So, I know the joy and happiness that you are bringing to your new little ones. Enjoy!