Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I know.

I'm a horrible blogger lately. I'm a horrible commenter.

It's weird, being on this side. I read it time and time again--as people cross over they don't know their place anymore.  I don't think I was meant to be a "Mommy Blogger." I'm an infertility blogger who transitioned into an adoption blogger. I don't know what to be now. Just a regular blogger?

I promise an update type of post soon, there's certainly lots to say, but lately I've just had so many moments where my heart is in my throat and I nearly succumb to sadness that threatens to take me down.

East Africa.

What is going on there is horrible. It causes my heart to break.

We are connected to East Africa. Our babies came from there. Our babies have relatives there.

There but the grace of God go I.

I go to put up their baby food and there isn't enough room for all of it.

I go to dress them and find that they are outgrowing clothes left and right and putting on more rolls of fat and chub.

And mothers in East Africa are leaving their starving babies on the side of the road to die because they simply cannot make it any further. Refugee camps are swollen with the starving, the exhausted. They don't hope for a better life, they just hope to live, period.

And we spent $80K trying to have a biological baby. While babies starve to death. And yes, you could insert anything--bigger car, better house, vacations, clothes, going out ot eat--anything that we don't need but simply want. And yes, I know we all do it while so much of the world suffers. And that there will always be horrific disparities between the haves and the have nots but I sometimes wonder how did it get like this? Why do we allow it? If I could go back, with hindsight...

I cannot even fit all of their food onto the shelf in the pantry.

Abundance. No hunger pangs here. Fat babies.

That I love with all my heart.

There were sisters on Oprah a few months ago that run a food pantry. They said their motto was the following:
There is only one race, the human race.*
There is only one father, the Heavenly Father.
And you should never take the last piece of bread because someone might come along who needs it more than you do.

Those words are always running through my mind.
But most days all I can do is just hug and love on my sweet chubby babies.

*And just to be clear: as an international adopter I do not believe the first line as a way to go about parenting across cultures, I just think it's a sweet sentiment.


  1. I'm so glad you wrote about this - I have been watching the news, and I often get teary watching the horrible famine there. And I'll admit, I've thought of you and your lucky little babies. I'm so happy to hear they are chubbers, but I understand how it must feel so strange to know how this famine must be affecting their bio families or distant relatives in Ethiopia. And the Somalis, ugh, it is just awful. It is truly heartbreaking to watch, those poor babies, those poor mothers. Breaks my heart.

  2. You and Mr LC are amazing people. And those babies are so lucky to have you.

    God bless you both for giving them a chance.

  3. The situation is horrible! I tear up at each picture, but also teared up thinking about you holding your sweet, chubby babies!!! Those babes are so lucky to have found you and you them :)

  4. thinking of you and your babies often.

    there is too much pain and suffering in this world. im so glad there are people like you to spread the word.

  5. I've waited so long hoping and praying for the day when you crossed over. I hope you'll do a little "mommy blogging" as we watched all the pain you went through and now we want to hear all your utter sappy happiness!!! I can't wait to see those chubs!

    I don't watch the news so I don't know what's going on in East Africa, but your description definitely tugs at the heart. It makes me want to ship my pantry to them.

  6. It's a horrible mix of feelings, isn't it? And it must be even harder for you because your adoption is so RECENT - you were just there only weeks ago.

    Personally, I've gotta say that my major guilt factor is handbags. Do I really need this many bags? No. I don't.

    (I should probably clarify that I havne't spent 80 grand on handbags. Yet).

    xxC ps = I owe you an email! Just need to get some info together for you but it's definitely coming.

  7. I spend a lot of my days counseling people who have made a lot of poor choices and it can be frsutrating and sad sometimes, but the thing I come back to is that most of us have choices but unfortunately there are a great deal of people who really don't have choices they are just surviving and it is just so sad....and we all just do our best and try to raise our kids to be aware of social justice and maybe we can make a tiny difference.

  8. What did it for me yesterday was taking a shower. I was taking another marathon shower and it hit me that these poor women walk MILES to get just a little water and they are in danger the whole time of being raped. Here I was taking it all for granted.

  9. Hi there,

    I wonder if you might share with me the name of the adoption agency you used. I am hoping to move forward with adoption from Ethiopia, despite the current slowdown, and am trying to select an agency.

    Thank you so much and congratulations to you on your wonderful children.