OMG, a family resemblance?

I have so many posts in the drafts folder right now...I am just all over the place.

• In short--we have raised $3,000 in the fundraiser. Just to make sure everyone knows--this is NOT for our personal fund. This is all for the orphans. We are not doing any personal fundraisers, although we were recently hit with yet another bill (I didn't know it was so expensive to 'purchase' their VISAs!) and I'm getting ever-more-nervous about the last minute notice we'll have to purchase those mega-airline tickets. Yikes. But still, just wanted to let you know that if you purchased a CD or made a donation it will ALL go towards the littlest ones in the world who have few advocates. I wish I could post photos we took of some of them, it would break your hearts.

• We have not heard a peep on our file. It's probably not even AT the U.S. Embassy yet...our agency is still 'working' on it although it is beyond me what they have to do with it. Ugh. I am so sick of this waiting. Yes I know I'm in the home stretch but imagine knowing your babies are out there and you can only wait to hold them. 'Tis a real bitch. And I have to catch myself all.the.time to not just break down and cry over the complete lack of control I have over it.

• We got a new photo yesterday with new weights. Let me just say that they are so small. The 4th and 11th percentiles. I know we can help them catch up but man are they small.

• We also picked names. After much debate and angst. I promise I'll share....soon.

• We finished the nursery. What an undertaking! But I'm really pleased.

• I keep having these little panicked moments that no.one.will.come.to.my.shower. And we need stuff! I worry that I've isolated a lot of fertile friends and now they might just be too annoyed with me to come.

• OK so when I got this photo of little baby girl I immediately thought: she looks just like me! OK, not just like me...but still, do you see the resemblance? I think it's the large forehead, ha. Of course, her ears are much, much more delicate than mine. :)

A little update...

No, we haven't heard from the Embassy. Sigh. I wasn't expecting it or anything but still...a girl can dream.

So...thank you to those of you who have made a donation or purchased a CD, every little bit helps! We're going to start updating the other blog with how much we've raised and what we're trying to purchase. I will say we've still got a ways to go to buy the nebulizers, pulse oximeters, an oven, and of course diapers and formula. But we should be able to get a good, durable heater, hooray!  I have confidence that we'll get there for everything.

Speaking of that, I know you know a lot of fertiles. How do I know this? Because I've read your blogs discussing them :) ! And fertiles have kids, duh. So maybe you can send the http://www.ourbabybots.blogspot.com/ link around to them, as you know they are all dying to be the coolest parents on the block and rock to some Mr. MTL.

In other news I'm in a weird never never land. Shhhhh, I'm having a b-a-b-y s-h-o-w-e-r soon and I'm fairly freaked out. I mean, me? And I don't mean that in an awww shucks sort of way. I just mean, me? Yikes. I don't really like to be the center of attention but alas, I am oozing gratitude from my pores that I get to have a baby shower.

OK just got a little chill writing about that so I'm going to stop now.

And can I just say thank you from the bottom of my heart for the comments on the last post. I know they're beautiful, and I don't think I have my Mom-goggles on. Everyone keeps telling me how lucky they are, but you guys know it's me--I am the lucky one.

I'll never be able to post an immediate post-birth photo, but here's my life-changing moment...right when the nanny handed me our son. Enjoy.

PS Don't forget to send the link around!

Pictures! And Hallelujah!

Government shutdown averted--hooray!

Even better news--we pass.ed Eth.iopi.an Co.urt!!

Yes--that means there are two new MTLs in the world. We received the word late yesterday afternoon, right before going to work at the shelter. We looked at each other and said "Congratulations Mommy and Daddy!" and then prayed that the U.S. Government wouldn't let us down. Now we hurry up and wait for the U.S. Emb.assy to process our babies' vi.sas.

Which means that I can show you their photos, but I will only leave them up for a while (don't ask). I think they are adorable, don't you agree?

And now, we launch the fundraiser for their Ethiop.ian brothers and sisters. So please, if you are so inclined, for a mere $10 plus shipping you can purchase a one of the hub's CDs to help support the other orphans. Heck, if you're so inclined you can purchase one zillion :) 

Here is the link to the blog page we made for CD sales. There you can preview our special song "Our Family" (on the CD, and yes, I'm singing on it too) and link to previews of all the other electro-rocking songs. Think Devo-for-kids kind of music!

OurBabyBots.blogspot.com

Please share the link--our hope is that everyone will share it multiple times on FB, blogs, emails, etc. and we can really generate some much needed supplies for the orphans!  And obviously I know not everyone reading here has kids or has any interest in a kids' music CD, but maybe you know someone who would?

Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.

Love,
The MTL Family

1,000 Steps Back

So today was supposed to be a happy post.
A "we passed court" HOORAY type of post, where I would show off pictures of my lovelies.

I have been so good lately, despite this latest court debacle, despite having things delayed two unnecessary weeks (which in terms of my babies' lives and mine is an eternity). For months now I have been able to tolerate pregnant women, fertiles, babies, happy families--I have been ok. I have felt healed.

Until this morning. When I realized that if the federal government shuts down all international adoptions will come to a grinding halt.

So it won't matter if we pass court (still haven't heard by the way, though it was supposed to happen this morning). The U.S. Embassy won't be working on visas, plain and simple.

Orphans will languish in orphanages for however long it takes to get this budget crap figured out, and the line grows longer and longer so that when they reopen there will be a huge backlog. Lovely. Lovely.

Seventeen years ago the federal government shut down for 21 days. Mr. MTL was a federal employee at the time, we were newlyweds by a few months, and he had this sudden vacation. I was also sicker than I'd ever been in my life and he took care of me and it all worked out and we were just out a little pay.

What are the odds that seventeen years later, on the very day that we should be having our case forwarded to the United States Government that the United States Government would shut down?

We have our theories. It's because the Mr. and Mrs. MTL signed up and it seems that despite trying to live pretty decent lives we get kicked in the teeth quite a bit when it comes to family building.

I woke up so happy. I had plans to go to the mall and do some baby clothes shopping. Mostly for others but one little bitty tiny mod swimsuit had finally gone on sale and I wanted to buy it for baby girl. By the time I dragged myself to the mall I had regressed to the angry infertile I used to be, the girl I don't like too much, the girl that makes me depressed and sad. I was shooting daggers at every Mom I saw--I could care less if she struggled to get there the point is her baby is here.

Here.

Not there.

Not potentially held up in limbo while stupid government officials battle it out.

I couldn't buy the clothes that were to be gifts. They didn't even have the swimsuit in the right size. Looking at tiny baby clothes overwhelmed me like it used to and I just had to leave.

I told the Mr. I am on the verge of a major breakdown. I can feel the dam starting to give and believe me, there is a force behind it so great I am just not sure what might happen when it finally goes.

Tonight we're working at the shelter so I guess I'll have to hold it together for that. But the rest of the weekend, if the government does indeed shut down, you can find me curled into a ball on the couch sucking my thumb, ok?

And yes, I know the government shutdown is not necessarily going to happen. But really? Shouldn't I prepare myself for the worst at this point?

PS And if it really shuts down over funding for Planned Parenthood you might just had to admit me to the rubber room. Do.not.even.get.me.started.

All over the place.

I am back. I have been trying to catch up and comment and so some of you know I am home (!) and I felt like I needed to post something...but I am just all over the place.

Literally.

My heart, my mind, my body, completely disjointed. So forgive the bullet points but it's the only way I can oroganize some quick thoughts for an update type post.

The amazing:

• The babies. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Fairly healthy.There are no words to describe the experience of meeting them in person for the first time, even though the nanny tried to hand our son to someone else, thinking she was the mother! We are smitten, pure and simple.
• Ethiopia is beautiful. The people are wonderful, gracious, peaceful souls. They wanted nothing more than to please us. Despite all of the issues they face that would take our spoiled western selves down in a second, their spirit is inspiring.
• The foster home where the babies are now is good. The nannies (ratio of 1 to 3-4 babies) are loving and kind and extremely attentive. So attentive in fact that we were not 'allowed' to do anything--I did not get to feed them or change them once because they view that as their job, not ours. And we did  not want to ruffle any feathers so we didn't fight it.
• We had unlimited time with the babies--endless hours to hold them, cuddle them, and play with them.
• We received our MOWA letter, the potential holdup that could have stalled our case for months.

The bad:

• We did not pass court. . This was completely unexpected. Court was supposed to be easy, almost a formality. We do not travel back, though I would in a heartbeat, exorbitant airline costs be damned.
• Now we just wait. Instead of waiting for our Embassy date, we wait for the court issue to be resolved. We hope and pray it can be resolved because while not legally ours, they are ours in our hearts and minds and I cannot imagine anything otherwise.
• Leaving the babies. Most definitely the most heartbreaking thing I have ever done. I sobbed and sobbed and frankly freaked the nannies out.
• Poverty. I will post more on this later, but it is unimaginable for those of us here and no one deserves to face the hardships we saw everywhere.
• The orphanage where my babies lived for their first three and four months. I held it together during the 'tour' and then fell apart in the car leaving. I can't even describe it here, it still overwhelms me to think about it.  They are no longer living at this orphanage but rather at the foster home run by our agency that I described above. But the orphanage is full of other babies, waiting to be adopted, and we will not forget them. More on this later as we organize the CD sale fundraiser and other fundraisers to benefit this orphanage. The needs are immense.
• I feel bad for even listing this as something bad because it feels incredibly petty in light of all we saw in Ethiopia, but it took us 48 hours of traveling to get home. Canceled flights, inept airline employees, and lots of tears and frustration and jet lag later, we are home.

So yes, our bodies are home. But are hearts are in Ethiopia. I can scarcely look at the nursery which now looms ever more empty. I have no control over what happens next but if I were wealthy, if I didn't need my job, I would get back on a plane this instant and live there until I could bring them home. They need me and I need them.

For now I will just stare at the hundreds of photos we took, watch the video clips we shot, and dream about going back. It's all I can think about and all I can do.

T Minus...A Few Days

So it's Sunday.

Which means in three days we'll board the first flight, spend the night in DC, and then fly direct to Addis Ababa on a very.long.flight and then...and then....hopefully see the babies for a few precious hours.

I'm all over the place. What does one do when getting ready for such a trip? I wrote this whole post on how I'm having my own version of labor pains but that no one really gets that in the non-adoptive world. That's ok. I wouldn't get it either. And I think they're only going to intensify after I hold these babies and then leave them behind. No epidural could ever touch that kind of pain.

So what does one do?

One might put 23 miles on one's running shoes in three days....

One might go out for delicious Cuban food....

One might sit surrounded by so many things to pack (yes, that is a giant bag of Skittles, and a roll of toilet paper).

One's dog might get a little freaked out by all the packing...

While the other dog pretends nothing different is ever, ever going to happen....

One might have to go to the lake just to try to relax....

One's super cute hubs might make a little face when I remind him how soon we will see the babies (as if he needed reminding!).

One's heart might skip a beat when she sees the tiny baby clothes in the laundry basket, freshly washed in Dreft (something she's heard people talk about--even complain about--for years, but feared she would never, ever do) waiting to be packed...

There you have it, my weekend in pictures.

Just an update.

I guess I don't always get into the specifics of the adoption on here...I have never been one to want to just post facts or timelines, I guess I usually am more of a rambling writer :)

But just to point out, we were always going to court in less than two weeks. That has not changed, even with the new (now official) rules in Ethiopia. For those of you interested, here's a little peek into the process.

When you decide to adopt from Ethiopia you fill out one million pieces of paper, you submit financial records, medical records, letters of recommendation, a homestudy, federal background check and fingerprints, state background check and fingerprints, child abuse clearances, pictures, warranty deeds on your house, letters to the Ethiopian government, etc. etc. etc. It's quite a bit and it's called your dossier. When this is translated and registered in Ethiopia, you are placed on a waiting list for a referral.

When you are given a referral you can either accept it or not. It never occurred to us not to accept a referral--before we even saw their little pictures we looked at each other and screamed "YES!" At any rate, when you accept your referral your file goes to two places:
1) Ethiopian court
2) Ministry of Women's Affairs (MOWA)

You wait for two things:
1) Court date with approval from the judge
2) A letter from the MOWA stating you are approved.

This basically involves two government entitites working in parallel on your case. Normally--hopefully--you go to court, pass, and also receive your MOWA letter at about the same time. Then and only then can your case proceed to the US Embassy for their review and processing.

When we received our court date everything was moving along as originally planned. Then the MOWA announced major changes--that it would only write five letters per day instead of the normal 40-50. And a spokesperson for the US Embassy in Ethiopia stated that persons currently in the pipeline (as in US) might very well go through court but then face a very.long.wait for their MOWA letter.

And just for the record, I applaud any effort by the Ethiopian government and adoption agencies to ensure that every single adoption in Ethiopia is ethical. Of course. I would be sad about additional waiting times but could deal with it if it assured me every single aspect of the adoption was ethical. Of course. I hope (!) those who know me would know at least that much about me. But there is a lot of debate about how well any of the recent changes in Ethiopia have done anything to ensure more ethical adoptions. I don't really know. I do know this: the agency we chose was chosen with careful consideration, with references, after we started with another agency and then switched, and is run by a physician who has dedicated his life to uniting orphans with families. He is a part of every single effort to reform adoptions in Ethiopia. The orphanage from which we are adopting has a very good reputation.

Obviously there is a huge element of trust involved in international adoption--after all, you cannot be there personally to know the circumstances of every adoption, to know how thoroughly everything was done, to know without a shadow of a doubt there are no ethical violations. But you don't just blindly trust, you do your research.

So here we are, getting close to our court date, praying for our MOWA letter, and hopinig to have our case move forward to the U.S. Embassy. But if I found out tomorrow that something was 'wrong' with our case, that our babies were not actually available for adoption, my heart would break but I would only ever want what is the absolute best for them.

Because I love them.