Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Shifting towards a new reality....

I'm in new territory folks. And I feel like sharing some stuff with you. It's random but all connected. See below.

Right after we got our referral a friend who is a mother of twins sent me an email and said something about me being a twin mommy and then wrote: "I know I know, not *technically* twins but two kiddos, same age, same mama".

I immediately thought: oh wait, she has it wrong, they have two different mamas.

Then I realized the mama to whom she was referring was me.

Fast forward to the other day when I went running in the snow. It was cold, hence the snow. When I got into the shower the backs of my knees were super itchy and I was clawing and clawing and it reminded me of being a little kid with eczema behind my knees (it was traumatic y'all, the backs of my knees and the crooks of my elbows were always so raw I embarrassed!) and I had this thought "Oh man I hope the babies don't inherit my tendency for eczema."

Because, um, yeah, I'm their mama.

What a shift in my thought processes in just a few short weeks since referral--a few weeks of dreaming and staring at pictures and painting a nursery and putting furniture together (ok so Mr. MTL did all of the furniture building) and thinking about registries and pediatricians and poring over medical reports. A shift.

Don't call the men in white coats yet--I laughed out loud almost immediately after having that thought about inheriting my eczema.  Duh, obviously they aren't inheriting diddly from me in the genetic sense. In many ways that will be a good thing. The little girl has beautiful long legs and if she was genetically mine she most definitely would not as mine are more of the short and stumpy variety. But the thought process, that was purely organic, to think of them in that regard.

My babies. 100%, completely, totally, my babies.




*I have a whole other post to write about their first mothers, and the tremendous loss they have been dealt, but that is for a different day.

23 comments:

  1. Your baybeez are coming home soon! I'm so happy for you!!!!

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  2. LOVE getting to hear you called Mama!!!

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  3. Yes, you are their mama - the one they will be counting on for the rest of their lives. By the way, I sent you a private e-mail to your old LC address but I think you probably don't look at it or read it anymore. If you still have it, let me know of a better e-mail address for you.

    T

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  4. What a fantastic shift in thinking, Mama!!

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  5. In my reading on adoption, they said that seeing yourself in your children is a sign of healthy attachment. You forget that they are not yours. We have some close friends that adopted their 2nd child after having many late term losses. The wife relayed that she was worried that her husband might not have fully accepted her son as he did their daughter. When their son (from korea) was 1.5 (they got him when he was 9 mos), the wife found out the son had eczema and called her husband worrying about it. The husband replied, oh that makes sense, my mom and I have it, too. In such a short time, they can be come some completely yours.

    Oh and...running in the snow...SO jealous.

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  6. Great post. This shift must be a hard one. In my journey, I think about donor eggs a lot. In doing so, I think what defines a mama? There is no way to really answer that question, but when I really try to answer it none of my responses involve genetics or looking alike or anything like that. I think about who holds when you are afraid or comforts you when you are sick. You are so those babys' mama, even now.
    so excited to be part of this part of your journey with you. Thanks so much for sharing it with us.

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  7. That is beautiful! We have that with my hubby and our daughter. We both keep saying that she inherited stuff from him or from his side of the family but (duh), she didn't do it unless it is passed down socially, lol. I love it. I think its awesome. I think you are in just the right mindset:-) I am so excited for you!

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  8. Wait until they start acting like little mini-you! Jay has so many of the mannerisms, humor & little personality traits of his parents. It's so funny! And the more non-distinct physical traits will get assigned to one side or another. We even said that about his high cholesterol when duh! who knows where he got that from (other than McDonald's).

    Isn't it wonderful falling in love with them? Ahhh...the best!
    B

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  9. Every single one of your posts puts a huge smile on my face. I am so fricken excited for you to have these babies in your arms. In your home. In their bedrooms. So. Excited.

    hugs.

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  10. That's right- they are YOUR babies, Mama! Your friend sounds very sweet to acknowledge that they have the same Mom- as in you. I bet you are having the time of your life registering and picking Doctors and putting together the nursery! I was thinking the other day (as I saw a Curious George stuffed animal) about how you had a little collection of Curious George items a while back. It brings me so much joy that you will be using them soon!

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  11. ALL YOURS!!! :) I love it.
    I have a friend who has a grand-daughter that isn't genetically related, and they always joke that the little girl inherited grandma's sweet tooth and personality... and it's totally true, I swear this girl is a mini version of her grandma! :)

    Anyway... I just realized that I need to e-mail you about our previous plans for our online shower plans... (Don't worry, I haven't forgotten. And I won't let you forget either... )
    I'll be in touch... :D

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  12. Being a Mama suits you well. :)

    XO.

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  13. Ooohhhh did someone say online baby shower? Yippee!

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  14. Oh I am so happy for you! I've been following your story since your Planet Davila days and I think it's so wonderful to hear you call yourself "mama!" Will you post pictures of the nursery soon? I was also wondering if you plan to share more details about what the process leading up to your referral was like? My husband and I are seriously thinking about adoption but wading into this territory seems overwhelming at the best of times. What was it like for you?
    -Linda

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  15. You are going to be one kick ass momma. I am so thrilled for you.

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  16. I'm so glad you are in a happy place! It was a long time coming, and I'm excited to hear more :) Nursery pics are in order, don't you think?

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  17. Wow, I am just catching up with what has been going on with you and I must say I am elated. Tears of pure joy slipped down my cheeks. I can't wait to read more about your babies :) Congratulations ~ I am over the moon with happiness for you.

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  18. Congratulations, you will be holding your babies before you know it :) so hapy for u

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  19. Thinking of ya. Thank you for being a ray of hope today.

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  20. Okay, I'm wiping tears now - I REALLY am. I love that you have realized YOU'RE their mama and they have ONE mama.

    I have to remember to tag your new address in my blog roll so I can stay current on your wonderful news.

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  21. All I can do is grin. This is amazing... simply amazing!

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  22. Your posts about your babies always make my day!! I'm beyond thrilled for you and MrMTL. I cannot wait until March gets here.

    T.

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