A punch in the gut.

I feel stupid.
Stupid as I look at the BOB Revolution Duallie stroller parked in our dining room.
Stupid as I look at the completed nursery--the two modern cribs waiting to be slept in, the two modern rockers longing to be rocking, the books on the bookshelf, waiting to be read.
Stupid as I look at the summer outfits hanging in the closet that I knew we would need when we brought the babies home this summer.
Stupid that my sister and I narrowed down the dates for my baby shower. The baby shower that now will not be, not anytime soon.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Consider this quote regarding the Ministry of Women's Affairs drastic slowdown in processing cases:

"Abigail Rupp, head of the consular section at the U.S. Embassy in Addis Ababa says the cutback is likely to result in a drop in adoptions to the United States from last year’s 2,500 to fewer than 500. She says the biggest concern is for the estimated 1,000 children currently in the adoptions pipeline, who may be forced to wait more than a year for their cases to be considered."

So two of those 1,000 kids are OURS, in the pipeline.

One year.

For our case to be considered.

I cannot wait one year.
I cannot.

I do not know what I will do but I cannot wait.

My heart is broken.

Again.