Tuesday, March 8, 2011

A punch in the gut.

I feel stupid.
Stupid as I look at the BOB Revolution Duallie stroller parked in our dining room.
Stupid as I look at the completed nursery--the two modern cribs waiting to be slept in, the two modern rockers longing to be rocking, the books on the bookshelf, waiting to be read.
Stupid as I look at the summer outfits hanging in the closet that I knew we would need when we brought the babies home this summer.
Stupid that my sister and I narrowed down the dates for my baby shower. The baby shower that now will not be, not anytime soon.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Consider this quote regarding the Ministry of Women's Affairs drastic slowdown in processing cases:

"Abigail Rupp, head of the consular section at the U.S. Embassy in Addis Ababa says the cutback is likely to result in a drop in adoptions to the United States from last year’s 2,500 to fewer than 500. She says the biggest concern is for the estimated 1,000 children currently in the adoptions pipeline, who may be forced to wait more than a year for their cases to be considered."

So two of those 1,000 kids are OURS, in the pipeline.

One year.

For our case to be considered.

I cannot wait one year.
I cannot.

I do not know what I will do but I cannot wait.

My heart is broken.

Again.

35 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh. I'm so, so sorry. But you shouldn't feel stupid. You are in love with these two, and like any mother, you long to be with your children. Hoping this situation somehow changes. Big hug to you.

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  2. i'm so very sorry. I'd buy a mega million tix for you but it's so late. I'm praying that I'll win and can send you a $1 million. then you could put on your wonderwoman boots and fly there and pick them up.
    God answers all prayers. Why won't he answer my wonderwoman request?

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  3. wow. sigh. big huge sigh. we would all have done the same thing, made the same arrangements you did, and like feel the same inappropriate stupidness you're feeling. you had to prepare, how could you not. they are still coming home. far slower, but they are still your kiddos. desperately hoping for something to change in this for you.

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear this. I wish I had some words of comfort for you. Just know that I am thinking of you and saying a prayer for your babies.

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  5. I am so sorry to hear about this, I wish there was something I could say or do. Just know that I am thinking of you.

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  6. I have nothing to say that is remotely helpful. This whole thing is un-f$*&Ingram believable. I'm so sorry.

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  7. Oh, no, I am just heartbroken for you. That is just so wrong and unfair.
    Thinking of you---

    Jane.

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  8. I'm so sorry--my heart is breaking with you. I want to offer and giant FU to the universe on your behalf.

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  9. oh my God, i'm so sorry to hear this! it's just not fair. it's amazing how nasty life can be sometimes. you really need that happy ending. it's like you try, try, try, do all the right things, are ready to love and give of yourselves unconditionally, and then they burst your bubble. c'mon people, give this girl a break!

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  10. no... no. NO. NONONONO. F No.
    What is this about? Why is this &h!+ happening?

    Don't feel stupid- it's nothing you had any control over.
    Oh, dear. I just want to give you a big cyber (((((hug))))).

    I'm sick for you... I'm angry and sick.

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  11. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so heartbroken for you. When the heck are you going to catch a break??? This is sooo ridiculous, something has to give! Hoping beyond hope that this is just talk and things continue as previously planned. You do NOT need to feel stupid, we would all have done the same exact thing. Huge hugs!

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  12. I am in tears and just feel sick for you. For all four of you! I am so truly sorry that this is happening. But don't be hard on yourself- your babies need you to stay strong for them! Keep your faith and know that I am keeping you all in my prayers!! Big, big hugs to you guys!!

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  13. Feel so bad for you Mrs MTL. Why does this have to be so hard? If there was any justice in this world, you would have your babies home with you. Am hoping that this is resolved sooooon. It is just so not good enough!!! You WILL have your babies home but this wait is just too cruel (again). Am banking on your luck turning - there are babies involved for heaven's sake!! Nxxxx

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  14. Oh my god, honey, I am so sorry. This broke my heart to read.

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  15. I am so so sorry :-( My heart is breaking for you. Please, please don't say you're stupid. Sending lots of hugs and love xxx

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  16. And the worst thing is your babies are the ones being punished. They need their parents. They need the kind of love, care, attention you can provide- not that what they have now at the orphanage is bad- but children need to be loved on, fed well, played with and they can't simply do it at the orphanage the way you could at home. It breaks my heart- for them and for you. I wish there was something we could do, someone we could write, something to fix this! I'm so sorry- it makes me so angry and sad to read that you won't be getting them before summer (or perhaps longer).
    b

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  17. i have not commented before, but i think of you and your precious babies often. know that i will be praying for a miracle! i cannot imagine your heartache. you all deserve much more.

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  18. my heart is breaking for you right now.
    Do not think you are stupid, of course you aren't. You had your referrals, you were approved, of course you prepared yourself.
    I am praying for you that these babies of yours get home before a year.

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  19. I am so sorry, sweetie. I am heart broken for you and all the families and children going through this. is your agency giving you any info about what you should expect? Are you still able to go over there next month?
    I am thinking of you all the time and sending you lots of love.

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  20. I just cannot understand this - WHY??? These kids need something better than the orphanage, and parents are eager to have their kids home with them, what is the problem?? It seems unfair to the kids most of all. Maybe I don't understand the whole picture, or the side of the Ethiopian government, but it just seems worthwhile to get kids into loving homes ASAP. Right???

    I'm sorry. It really is nonsensical.

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  21. Oh my goodness. I am so shocked and devastated for you. What is the point of this? I just don't understand why governments continue to put children last. These kids are the future and everything should be done to get them the best start in life possible - regardless of which country they will reside in.
    Oh, I am so so sorry this is happening.

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  22. oh honey, you've got NOTHING to feel stupid about. All your preparations were absolutely the right thing. And they still are, because your babies are coming home.

    I know this delay must be UNBEARABLE. But I'm really glad for you that you are IN the system, you have an initial date already. I hope that woman is wrong about it being a year for anybody. But while the queue has just got longer and slower, YOU are right at the front. I know it feels impossible to believe right now, but the day really will come. Sending you lots and lots of love.

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  23. I'm so sorry and thinking about you. It's so unfair. I hope somehow things can turn around for you. (((hugs)))

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  24. I can't tell you how sorry I am, I just feel sick for you.... I wish there was something I could say or do to make it all better. In lieu of that I offer you huge hugs and lots of love.

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  25. Oh shit. I am so sorry, I wish there was something I could do. Thinking of you as always.

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  26. I'm really sorry to hear this. You're not stupid - and things can swing back the other way just as quickly. Hang in there. For the kiddies!

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  27. Here's to hoping that your two babies are in the first group of 500 and that you get them earlier than anticipated. big ((((HUGS)))) being sent your way!

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  28. Oh God, Mrs. MTL! The sickness I feel in my stomach must be nothing compared to how gutted you and Mr. MTL are feeling right now.

    This is so horrible. =( Such a powerless, powerless feeling. I'm so so so sorry.

    I hope beyond hope that your babies are 2 of the 500 that make it through this year. *hugs hugs hugs*

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  29. I am so so sorry this is happening to you and Mr MTL & those poor babies. I can only imagine how you must be feeling but don't loose faith. Don't loose hope. God has a plan for these babies. I am hoping & praying its some good news for you & SOON!

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  30. One year!?!?! Is that what they are now telling you? I just can't believe these babies have the chance of living a wonderful life vs. in an orphanage but they are going to drag their feet. I can't believe that and my heart is broken. I do know though, that something good will happen. You will get your babies and I am praying for it to be super soon!
    In the meantime...I'd love to see nursery pics :) Keep the hope...

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  31. Oh God, no. A., I'm so so so sorry. Is there any chance you're close to the top of the list so maybe it won't take so long? I'm praying for your family.

    T.

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  32. Oh no... I gasped when I read this. My heart is breaking for you. I hope that you are able to bring those babies home very soon and that they don't get caught up in red tape. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

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  33. It's not fair and not right.
    You are not stupid.
    You are a wonderful Mom getting ready to welcome her babies.
    Like Meg said, I hope your babies get to come home soon. With respect to all the waiting families, I hope YOUR babies come soonest.
    Sending a prayer up for that wish. XO

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  34. Ugh. This is the part that sucks about international adoption - the utter lack of control and in many cases information about what the hell is going in. I do know you support the intent behind this action...to address what is sounding like some serious evidence of some shady adoption operations THAT NEED TO STOP. I don't know that this huge slowdown is the most effective way to address those concerns, but there it is. I'm hoping you get some good information soon. It sounds as though you're near the front of the line for processing because you've been matched, right? Thinking of you.

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